In every step of life we accumulate new friends. Whether they be an acquaintance, or someone that immediately gets who we are and we connect within a few sentences. It is quite beautiful when the latter happens. However, when it comes to making friends with the opposite sex, there always seems to be contingencies and stipulations. Concerns on what the other party’s intensions are. And a constant public eye on the relationship at hand.

As a 25 year old Woman I have found making friends with the opposite sex tricky. Something that may seem platonic and innocent can quickly turn into the complete opposite if not handled the right way. Which leads me to the question, can you really have a friend of the opposite sex? Someone that is and will only ever be just a friend? Now I’m not suggesting that every male female relationship ends in some sort of rip off your clothes-I always Loved you-moment. What I mean is, if one or the other party had the chance, would they, or do they wish that the relationship was more then friends?

I want to go ahead and put aside the relationships where the other person is attracted to the same sex. I know my queen of a friend is not trying to get into my panties when were out dancing in a club to Beyonce, and shaking it like EVERYBODY is watching. Dance like no one is watching, but not at a Gay club. Because everybody is watching and you need to bring your A-GAME. And best outfit. Obviously. 😉

Lets say you meet someone randomly at a coffee shop. You exchange conversation, the individual seems entertaining and interesting. You have the desire to hang out with them again. So you give them your number and tell them you would love to meet up. But lets say you are in a relationship and truly meant that as a gesture of friendship. Will it be taken the wrong way? As humans we perceive the act of kindness a lot of times as flirtation. So instead the person saw this moment as a possible sexual endeavor rather then another human speaking to another human. And it is a cycle I see too often in both male and females alike.

My occupation lends me to see a variety of human interaction on a daily basis. I bartend, therefore I come in close contact with many different people, from many walks of life. My job, at the end of the day, is to be an entertainer. The host of the bar. And I love it. However I do find it curious at times when my open invitation to chit chat and shoot the shit turns personal. I suppose it is only human to dissociate my listening ear and flowing conversation from my job, and take it as more. I have learned the art of playing coy, and encouraging you to stay for another beer. But, you must know, this is my job. And the reality of it all is, I am your bartender. You are my customer. Which translates into male female relationships. You are my friend. I am not a lover. And too often the line gets crossed.

So my question is, how do we draw the line? Is it appropriate to be friends with someone if you know full well if they had the chance they would have it other wise? Is that person even actually your friend? Or are they in it hoping things one day will change and you two will be together. I recently have taken this idea into consideration when it comes to my male relationships. I even had a recent encounter where a male told me he was looking for friends in the area and was new. I kept it casual and invited him in to my work for a beer while I was bartending. He quickly accepted and showed up. After that evening I received a message from him asking me if I wanted to go get drinks. And here is where the true test lied. I proceeded to tell him I would be happy to get drinks! But I was seeing someone. And I let him know that I wasn’t going to presume anything, but I am seeing someone and I hoped he didn’t think this was more then that. ( I am not actually seeing anyone but I was wanted to know how this would play out.) Quickly he responded and said he understood, and that was the end of all conversation. He was never just “looking for friends.” And I was disappointed by the results.

The older I get the more I see. The older I get the more I perceive. The older I get the more I grasp the reality of what is true.

I think there are circumstances where a male and female can truly just be friends. But the majority of the time it is a facade. I don’t mean to seem so bleak on this situation but what I am trying to portray is actuality. Proceed in life as you are. However, consider each situation at hand. Consider all paths, and always be upfront about your intensions. Live and breath and love all! Bring many into your circle, but always listen to your intuitions.

If you have a story that counteracts this article, please feel free to share. As always this is just my opinion! And I love hearing other sides!

Stay warm San Diego,

xoxo Haley Montgomery